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Where I collect my breath on a Thursday

by John on October 6th, 2011

My world’s been a bit hectic lately . . . here’s me, trying to gather some calm in the storm…

I close my eyes.

Slowly, I draw breath. The air around me fills me – down my throat, to my chest, and spreading out from my middle. Seeping, creeping, flowing. Each breath I take permeates just a little bit deeper – reaching my shoulders, my arms, my elbows, my hands, my fingers, my fingertips.

I feel the chaos inside me bubbling, trying to take hold, trying to claim me.

I breathe.

Air flows in and collects, eroding the chaos and distraction, a tiny bit at a time.

Soon, it’s just me and my breath. And then the thud of the my heartbeat grows stronger.

Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

I sense my surroundings with my eyes closed – feel the room around me.

Breathe in, wait, breathe out.

Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

The chaos lingers, begging for an escape, yet the erosion continues, the tiniest bit with each breath, until there, simply, isn’t any more to wash away.

I feel myself as part of the room, as part of the house, as part of the neighborhood, as part of the planet, as part of the galaxy, as part of the universe. I’m insignificant – not even the broken-off-head-of-a-needle in a haystack.

And then I collapse that universe in on itself, and feel it, pulsing, from my midpoint. I am so much more than “just me.”

I breathe.

I open my eyes.

I am.

From → Meditation

  1. Oh, John…I love this.
    This line is lovely, “I am so much more than “just me.””
    Gorgeous writing.

    • Every now & then I need to remind myself to just focus on the stuff that I can . . . and, well, sometimes, it’s just my breathing that I have.

      Thanks – that was certainly my favorite line in the work 🙂

  2. It feels so peaceful. I love it.

  3. Excellent post. I agree with Nichole – that was my favorite line as well.

    • Thank you very much (it’s hard to believe it was a week ago that I wrote it . . . I need to get back to that place now)

  4. Sometimes we all need to collect our breath to calm down.

  5. Lisa permalink

    I need to do this today.

    • I need to remind myself to breathe, and nothing more, a lot more often.

  6. Great read, John! I love the imagery – how you feel tiny, and yet part of a bigger whole.

    • Yeah – every now & then, it really helps me to remember that I’m a part of something else, but I’m made of up parts, too . . . the whole being more than the sum . . . and as one of the parts, making a whole that is greater.

      If that makes sense 😉

  7. at the risk of sounding corny – this really spoke to me! And, somehow I’m not getting your updates! Off to check my spam folder and re-subscribe!!

    • The updates thing is my fault, and I’m trying to figure out how to fix it . . . I migrated from to, and I love the change, but it kept a few things at the old site, and I just haven’t been able to sit down and figure out how to get them back.

  8. wow – i love this post. LOVE.

  9. Yes.

    This post had me finally get the mental quiet I needed.

    It does feel like a crazy Turkish bazaar sometimes, doesn’t it???

    • Sometimes?! I’m pretty sure my life is just a crazy Turkish bazaar — I just try to find solace in the moments of quiet that happen everywhere. If you can just expand that “blink” for a tiny bit, there’s some real peace to be found.

  10. I love that there is someone that I can connect with that truly gets running. I think I wrote a similar post to this one a while back. I love it.

    • There’s seriously a spirituality to running that you just have to experience to know.

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