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Where Mandy posts about hot chicks

by John on July 20th, 2012
I am on vacation — and as a series of quasi-coherent posts about how wonderful my family is, and how beautiful the beach is, and how drunk I might be at a time that would normally be a completely inappropriate time for me to be drunk might not go over all that well, I have asked a collection of my favorite bloggers to stop by and share something.

Posting today is Mandy of In Mandyland. And, I’ll admit that this might be the first time that I’m blanking on an introduction. See, I assume that everybody knows Mandy — you know, that pretty blogger who writes beautifully about everything? Yeah, that one. Except, well, there’s more to Mandy than what’s shared, so I consider myself privileged to call her a colleague (so we get to chat via Skype when I find the one time every 3-4 months that I can get to a computer that doesn’t block social networking).

Anyway, Mandy is charming and wonderful and sweet and smart and sassy. And you should read her. Often. But, I assume you do, so this whole bit is probably just me preaching to the choir already.

Online Dating and Chickens

Last summer, as a newly single woman, I found myself on a dating website struggling to write a profile. After researching other female users, which probably freaked them out, I came to the conclusion I don’t quite fit in with the rest of the online female dating personalities.

Mostly because I mentioned I have chickens in my profile.

I looked at pictures of woo-girls sporting flat ironed hair and perfectly tanned bodies.

I stared at pictures of polished beauties with make up applied just so.

I chewed my lip, trying to determine if I should lie and say I like running or that I enjoy good beer, an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one. Finally realizing that would just set up some poor man for failure, I hit submit and discovered something very interesting.

Chickens are a total turn on.

Messages rolled in asking about my hens.

How many eggs a week do they lay?

Do I let them roam the backyard?

Are they messy?

Do I live in town or out in the country?

How many do I have?

How difficult are they to raise?

Am I available for a midnight hook up?

They lay, on average, five eggs a week each.

I let them roam the backyard where they dig in the dirt, eat the bugs, and make a general mess out of things.

They’re less messy than dogs, more messy than hamsters.

I live in town, with a postage stamp sized yard and across the street from a school but with the perfect amount of space for three or four hens.

They’re easy as long as I remember to feed and water them.

Slow down, cowboy. I don’t think I can greet you by the username “Hotstud73”, especially after viewing that bare chested bathroom mirror shot. (That was just wrong.)

Over the last year, I’ve realized people – not just random men on random dating sites – are facinated by my chickens. They stare in consternation when they enter my back yard to see the girls roaming around fat and happy. They ask if they can pick one up. They walk over with me to collect the eggs. They starting pondering hen ownership.

I, of course, grin in glee.

I speak passionately about backyard chicken raising. I explain how simple it all is and how amazing it is for my kids to walk outside to collect their breakfast. I point out how much healthier fresh eggs are than the store bought eggs. And, amazingly enough, people actually listen.

Shortly after I joined the dating site, one of the earlier messengers wrote me an email to tell me he’d bought chickens and was excited to build his coop. While he and I never met, I get a small sense of satisfaction that somewhere out there, a man is shoveling chicken manure (since he never messaged me back) and enthusiastically extolling the virtues of chicken wrangling.

I’m a giver like that.

It’s one of my charming traits.

From → Blogging, Guest Post

14 Comments
  1. One of MANY charming traits, I might add.

    It saddens me that you don’t appreciate beer but your balls in tackling the online dating world honestly make up for it.

    Love me some Mandy… and Daddy readers: SO SHOULD YOU!

    • I’ve tried to appreciate the fine art of brew! But it’s just so…sour. And bitter. And foamy. And sour.

      • I’m curious — are you a coffee lover?

        As my love of coffee grows, my love of beer comes right along with it.

    • Yes, Mandy should be required reading for everyone, whether they’re blogging or not.

  2. In 2001, I put up a completely honest profile on a dating site, trying to prove to a friend that it wouldn’t work. Nobody wanted honest. I had three replies within two hours. Eleven years later, it’s still paying off.

  3. Don’t tell John you don’t like bare-chest shots…did you SEE his Wed twitter avi?

    Chickens are awesome. My dad raised chickens when I was young.

    Also? I agree with John that you write the words beautifully.

    • But is it a bathroom mirror shot? With a “sexy” pout and the camera as well as dirty towels in the background? And obvious flexing?

      • Yeah, I don’t do “sexy” pouts. In fact, I don’t think I have a pout.

        Also, I’m not very good at flexing.

        But the dirty towels in the background? Totally something that I’d do.

    • Those Wednesday avatars leave me with a truly awkward mixture of embarrassed and proud and dirty and righteous and pervy.

      Which kind of explains most of my writing, I think.

  4. And computers across the world are now trying to work chickens into their dating profiles 🙂

    • Yep! It’s going to be a hot new trend. 😉

    • I know that I’m leaving psychic direction to my future self, when I’m reborn, to ensure that any/all autobiographies (most especially dating profiles) are centered around fowl.

      I don’t want future versions of me possibly letting chicks like Mandy get away without notice.

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