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Where I chronicle my Monday mornings

by John on September 19th, 2011

This Monday, I figured I’d share a little bit about what my Monday mornings are like. Because things on my end are downright crazy. – Weekends are more structured than they used to be, but since I have a 6am videoteleconference with my team in Manila, things are truly a whirlwind around me until I get to work.

My alarm goes off, insanely early, at 4:10. My first thought is “I’m not running, so let me reset the alarm.” Fortunately, an inner voice tells me that resetting the alarm isn’t an option – it’s Monday, and I have my 6am meeting.

I find clothes to dress myself in to walk the dogs, because I’m pretty certain that walking about nude and/or in my skivvies would be bad. Even at 4 in the morning, it’s not a good idea to indecently expose myself unnecessarily.

I then try to calm the one dog down because walks are his most favoritist thing in the whole wide word while also trying to motivate the other dog to walk with promises of steak & bacon because he’s lazy and would rather be in bed. Eventually, I give up on the promises and pick up said grumpy dog (causing much growling) and take the dogs for a walk.

We walk about a mile . . . and wouldn’t you know it, there’s a neighbor out & about, so I’m especially grateful that I didn’t decide that today was the day that I’d be able to streakwalk. At some point, while reading through tweets & deleting junk mail, I nearly trip over the curb, which is minor compared to the “introduce myself to a tree” or “introduce myself to a parked minivan” that I normally pull while not paying attention to the world.

Anyway, I get back with the dogs and feed them (the lazy, unmotivated dog is now quite eager to be awake because he loves food) and start making myself coffee. Soon into the coffee making process, though, I realize that Snickelfritz, the dog who doesn’t like walks but loves food, is eating from the bowl of Hobbes, the dog who loves walks but is very “meh” about food. After separating the two of them, I go back to preparing the coffee. I hit “go” and head upstairs, convincing the dogs to come back with me, where they promptly lie back down and go back to sleep.


I get into the shower where I think I fell asleep four separate times.

After showering, I dress for work . . . which means jeans, because I like “comfortable.” I grab the laptop and wine glass solo cup from the bedside table, kiss my wife goodbye, and tiptoe my way downstairs, careful not to wake the wife or babies sleeping in my bed.

I get downstairs and remember that it’s trash day. This would have been handy information the previous night, when I could have been all orderly & stuff. So, I head back upstairs and grab the bag of dirty diapers from the nursery, and then I grab the dirty diaper bag from the kitchen (we have changing stations both upstairs and downstairs), as well as the kitchen trash bag and take them outside.

I realize that I was wearing socks but not shoes, and dew on the socks doesn’t feel all that great.

Put on shoes.

Make three trips to take out all recycling.

Walk back upstairs to replace trash bag in nursery diaper bin.

Leave house but realize that I forgot my laptop.

Get laptop and realize that I forgot my coffee.

Go to my truck to get my coffee mug and return to house to fill it.

As I fill my coffee mug, see the pile of mini-strawberry danishes that I bought for myself last Friday. Eat one. Bring another for “breakfast.” Because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Remember “project frugal” where I try to bring lunch into work. Find leftover Chinese food and realize that it’s swimming in sauce. Go to dump excess sauce down the drain. Spill excess sauce on my shoes. Marvel that I’ll smell like garlic sauce all day.

Try to think back to last week to remember if I used my “emergency shirt” at the gym1 and decide to go back upstairs to grab a shirt to work out in, in the case that I’m able to sneak off to the gym over lunch. I’m somehow able to get back upstairs and grab a shirt without stubbing my toe, startling either dog into a barking frenzy, or waking my kids. I’m proud of myself.

Finally leave. I plan, every Monday, to be out of the house by 5 . . . and, like most Mondays, I was on the road by 5:30 – giving me a whole 2 minutes to catch my breath when I get to the office before my video teleconference starts.

1 I don’t think any of you would be shocked if I mentioned that I can get quite sweaty. I can, typically, wear a pair of shorts for two workouts before I’m able to detect an odor, but I absolutely need to clean any shirt I’ve worn before I can wear it for another workout. Because of this, I always keep a single “emergency” shirt in my truck. The problem is, at 5 in the morning, I don’t always remember back to the previous week. Because of the time, I didn’t want to turn on the lights in the bedroom to find a pair of shorts that I could wear, so I made the decision to stretch to a third workout for a pair of shorts if I did wear my emergency shorts…which, I know, ewww, but workouts over lunch on Mondays are always iffy propositions.

It turns out that I did not, in fact, use my emergency shirt, so I only wore my shorts twice, so they weren’t truly stinky, and I did get a pretty kick-ass workout in.

  1. every dude who calls himself a dude should keep emergency clothes/toothbrush in the car for 3 reasons

    1) you never know when you’ll workout/kick ass/break a sweat

    2) you never know if the misses will want to have midday fun

    3) You never know if you’ll get kicked out of the house and who wants to wear the same crap the enxt morning.

    • You know, I always have a business suit in my car for true emergencies (you never know when you’ll need to wear a suit, and you’d be surprised at just how many instances you can get away with a suit, and a suit will work after all three of your scenarios). But, the “emergency I can sweat in these clothes” thing is new to me.

  2. I always kept emergency clothes at work. Usually because my crazyass patients had a habit of peeing/vomiting/bleeding on me.

    • At my last job, where I’d bike to work often, I’d actually keep a whole wardrobe of work clothes at my office. The only time I had to treat those clothes as “emergency clothing,” though was when I would spill coffee all over myself.

      And considering going about with coffee stains all day was too much for me, I guess I can see not wanting pee/vomit/blood.

  3. I would totally marvel at you smelling like garlic sauce all day, too.

    • There are worse smells, for certain, but garlic sauce does tend to get bothersome.

  4. I’m tired just thinking about reading that.

    • I’m always tired – I often wonder just what it would be like to not be tired.

    • I’m with CDG.
      I kind of need to go back to bed now.

      But instead, I’m going to go stock my car with emergency clothes.
      That just sounds smart.

  5. Wow, that is early! And you really get a lot done. I moan and fuss when my alarm goes off at 6:30 b/c I’m a big wimp like that.

    • Oh, believe me, I moan and fuss when the alarm goes off . . . be it 4:00 or 8:00. If I’m in bed and that thing is chirping, I’m not a happy camper. Even if I’ve slept 12 hours.

  6. I didn’t even go to bed until almost 3am Sunday night/Monday morning. I can’t imagine waking up at 4am. My dogs would refuse to go outside that early. They need their beauty rest. I hope the rest of your week isn’t so hectic.

    • Believe it or not, 4am isn’t all that foreign to me. With the kids as they are, if I want to get real runs in as I work up to my next marathon, I need to run at 4. If I have the dogs back from their walk and fed by 4:30, I can run for 2 hours, which will get me between 12 & 13 miles. If I do that 3 times a week, and then run 20 on Saturday or Sunday, a marathon isn’t too bad (you just use the adrenaline of thinking “I’m running a marathon” to keep you going).

      Then again, I’m clinically insane. I also tend to fall asleep during the kids’ bedtimes.

  7. Very smart idea with the emergency clothes. I have yet to be smart enough to plant emergency clothes in my car for myself. It’s stacked full of emergency clothes for the kids. We always have one that pees/poops/pukes/dumps juice all over their heads kind of days!!

    Oh and this is why people hate Mondays!!:)

  8. I tried getting up at 4:30 for the gym. ONCE. That was enough to realize that I’m not a 4 a.m. at the gym kind of girl.

    I always keep an extra shirt, sweater and blazer in the trunk just in case little man decides to show me just how beautiful spit up can be. I believe it’s a must for every parent.

  9. Well I have been outside in front of my house nude at 4am before and guess what – the neighbors are ALWAYS watching!

  10. you monday — ouch !! I dont fall asleep until usually 2 am so waking at 4 would be torture. if i have to be up crazy early like that i tend to just pull an all nighter – that’s easier for me 🙂

  11. Lisa permalink

    I swear I left a comment here already. Hmmm.
    Anyways, prep coffee the night before!

  12. EX. HAUS. TED.

    I’m up at four and hell no am I actually getting dressed and out the door. But the rest of it…the DOZEN trips in and out: my morning MOST mornings.

    I recently bought a 2nd pump just so I wouldn’t have to carry that back and forth. And if you count the 5 bags of clothes I’ve been meaning to drop off at goodwill for the past month, I TOO have a change of clothes in the car.

  13. That is sheer awesome. If I was dedicated like you and got my ass outta bed at 5am because she just finished eating and I’m already up and empty, I’d be in a better place and would run more. But I don’t.

    Also? You are way nicer to your dogs. Our lazy dogs don’t get walks. Mostly because they are lazy and I hate picking up poop with a bag. Gross.

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