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Where I write about the most epic fart I’ve had the displeasure of experiencing
There’s been a lot of fart talk, lately . . . and because I have the maturity of a 12-year-old-boy, and in light of Mommakiss admitting that she’s a sleep-farter1, I feel the need to share this story.
One of Duffy‘s best friends was getting married . . . while he lived in DC, and would be living in DC with his wife, his fiance grew up around Des Moines, so that’s where the wedding would be. And, because “friends from childhood” is, really, just as good as blood, there was no doubt about whether or not we’d go to the wedding.
The afternoon of the evening wedding, we hailed cabs to take us to downtown Des Moines, because, well, hanging out in an airport hotel, when you’re sharing a room with your mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and brother-in-law just isn’t a valid choice. Two cabs came to pick us up . . . one of them driven by a very, very obese man, whose cab had been altered to accommodate his girth.
Now, I have no idea how we ended up like this, but I rode in the passenger’s seat of the cab driven by the obese man, along with my brother-in-law & sister-in-law, leaving my wife & mother-in-law riding in the other cab.
The cabbie sits down and, without warning, one of the worst smells I’ve ever encountered wafted over us. Seriously, imagine if you marinated a poopy diaper in spoiled milk, wrapped it in hair, and set it on fire. It was bad. Without a beat, though, the cabbie says “don’t worry, I’ll get that out of here,” rolls the windows down and speeds on down the road2.
The ride from the airport was probably about 15 minutes . . . but nobody spoke, the whole time, because any time one of us tried to say something, we burst out in giggles. Even now, when I let-one-fly in a car, I can still hear that perky Midwest accent saying “I’ll get that out of here.”
Other random notes about Des Moines:
- Downtown Des Moines, when the University of Iowa is playing a home football game, is like a ghost-town . . . I seriously think we saw tumbleweed pass us when we were looking for a place to have some lunch.
- This was my first trip to Iowa . . . the next time, it would be for #RAGBRAI, which I’ve written about at great length.
- Iowans enjoy their beer. A lot