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Where Katie offers advice on how best to survive #blogher12

by John on July 18th, 2012
I am on vacation — and as a series of quasi-coherent posts about how wonderful my family is, and how beautiful the beach is, and how drunk I might be at a time that would normally be a completely inappropriate time for me to be drunk might not go over all that well, I have asked a collection of my favorite bloggers to stop by and share something.

Posting today is Katie of Sluiter Nation, and I can say that I’m honestly bummed that I won’t get to meet her at this year’s BlogHer, as I believe it was her very-pregnant recap of BlogHer last year that lead me to reading her regularly. Katie has a gift to make you laugh, or squee, or cry, or smile, or think, or to hand-over the keys to your blog & make the place hers.

Welcome, Katie πŸ˜‰

The Daddy Blogger’s Guide to Surviving BlogHer12

Well, well, well.

::looks around::

John is letting me take over Daddy Runs A Lot today.

Sucker.

Just kidding. I love John and I was pretty honored that he would hand his space over to me today.

He let it spill lately that he is planning on going to BlogHer. I tried to point out that the second syllable there is HER, but I think that only egged him on more.

Anyway, as a BlogHer vet (I went last year. That makes me a vet, right?) and a “guy’s gal” (according to my husband and my dude friends), I decided he might need a little prepping before going.

A pre-game huddle, if you will.

So because I know you like bullet points, John, here is what you need to know going in to BlogHer:

  • There will be screeching. When women meet face to face for the first time (or the 20th) they do something they call “Squeeing”. It is loud. It involves “hugging faces” and “squeezing your face” and lots of tappy dances while clinging to each other. At first, you will be all” YES! ALL THE WOMEN ARE ON EACH OTHER!” Then your ears will bleed. And you will start to panic when some of the women with you see other bloggers they want to meet. My advice, bring ear plugs. And get ready for your face to be squeezed.
  • SO MUCH HUGGING. I hope you enjoy…or at least tolerate…your personal space invaded. Because if not? Take a tranquilizer now.
  • I happen to know you have the expo pass. As I was told–and unfortunately ignored–no one likes a Swag Hole. I know it’s free, but that doesn’t mean you NEED it.
  • Everyone there that is also a newb, will try to persuade you that you need ALL THE FREE THINGS. Let me repeat: you DO NOT.
  • Don’t bring an extra suitcase just for free stuff. You will fill it as full as it will go, get home, set it aside, go through it MONTHS later and keep four things.
  • Someone will think you don’t like them no matter how often you flash that dazzling smile of yours.
  • Someone will think you didn’t like them.
  • Someone will think you were “just not the same in person”.
  • You will think someone was “just not the same in person.”
  • Everyone that is there is socially awkward. I mean, the thing we have in common is talking to the people in our computer. Duh. But women are acutely aware that they are socially awkward and have the misconception that NO ONE ELSE is. They will tell you this repeatedly.
  • Women talk about every blogger there (and not there…they will probably talk about me). They will preach about not being gossips AS THEY GOSSIP.
  • wear comfy shoes. Everyone will tell you this. Then you will look around while you are in your comfy man shoes and realize not one woman is in comfy shoes.
  • Be glad you are not a female newb or you would be in your closet crying right now because you would be sure that you have nothing to wear. Which would be false.
  • The ladies will love you. A)you are Daddy Runs A Lot…duh. and B) you are one of four dudes there. And socially awkward mommy bloggers like to flirt. And the ones who are pregnant? Will probably hump your leg.
  • You will have flash backs to high school dances at the parties. Women run in flocks, use the bathroom together, and try to impress each other with the height of their heels. And everyone gets drunk.
  • You will laugh more than you have in months. Guaranteed. Because all those crazy women? Are crazy awesome.

There. Now you can be prepared.

Comfy shoes and that great smile. That is all you need, my dear Daddy who Runs A Lot.

From → Blogging, Guest Post

33 Comments
  1. Thanks for letting me stretch out and enjoy your space today, John. Very comfy. I like it here.

    Also? quit instagraming your vacay. You’re making me horribly jealous.

    • I did go a bit overboard with the pics from vacation, didn’t I?

      Thank you for writing — and for the many chuckles. I’ll be sure to instagram all of the occasions where pregnant women dry-hump my leg πŸ˜‰

  2. Haha, the squeeing and face hugging, I can just imagine.

    John, you will be the center of attention, enjoy it! Hehe.

    • And we all know he’ll instagram the crap out how much he’s smiling with all those women. I can’t wait!! πŸ™‚

    • Who me, enjoy being the center of attention? Surely, you jest πŸ˜‰

      I’m truly, truly looking forward to it.

  3. Thanks for the morning laugh lady! Dear Sir, if I run into you at BlogHer I promise not to hump your leg. πŸ™‚ Love that you are attending. Cheers!

    • you are way welcome. BlogHer is what you make it…and if see John? You will have fun. Just follow the awesome smile πŸ™‚

    • I’m still not sure where & when I’ll be at the conference, but should our paths cross, I’ll try to remind you to not hump my leg. Maybe. :-p

  4. And then Katie made me cry in laughter as I am picturing pregnant women humping John’s leg πŸ™‚

  5. I CAN’T believe I blew it this year. It’s in New York for crikes sake! And I live in New York State. I just couldn’t get past the guilt that my son would be home two days from one month away at overnight camp. I could be all: “See you on Monday, son!” and fly off for BlogHer’12.

    Well, I could have, but I chose not to.

    I know soooooo many people going.

    I’m just praying that next year it’s not back on the left coast. That will be some spendy airfare. Because I . Am. So. Going.

    I loved this post, and the one that got me here. I have seen lots of vlogs where people show all the swag, and it just seems sooooo wasteful. *Did that sound judgmental? Because I’m not. Well, maybe a little about stuff like that. Ugh, do you think anyone will ever want to room with me at BlogHer?*

    Oh, I’m doomed. πŸ˜‰

    • some of the stuff they giveaway? Is so unbelievably awesome. It’s mostly at the outside parties…but some of the stuff? Oh heavens. No one…I repeat NO ONE needs 87 flash drives with brand names on them.

    • It’s the fact that I know so many people that are going that has me going . . . as far as the blogging content, I don’t know if I’d get anything from it, but I’m actually feeling a little silly saying “I’m only going for the parties.”

      As far as the child guilt . . . well, it’s heavy within this guy, but, well, I can’t say “I’m not going to go out of my way to see this blogger or that blogger, and that list of bloggers that I want to see keeps on growing, so I had to go.

      I’ll try to take lots of pictures so that you can feel like you were a 6-foot something man at a woman’s conference, if that will make you feel any better.

  6. Katie – Thank you. While it might be that not everyone likes me… I need to get ok with that (and the fact that I might now like everyone I meet either) before the conference happens.

    And I’m leaving the extra suitcase at home. Fine. πŸ™‚

    John – I can’t wait to meet you! (Ps… I’ll be the one woman NOT in heels. Comfy shoes all the way.)

    • yeah, you won’t like everyone and everyone won’t like you…but guess what? that is JUST how it is in real life too. You just go “meh,” and move on. To something FUN!

      Like John πŸ™‚

    • While I truly believe that I’m “the same” in real life as I am in person, I’m actually fearful of being awed by certain bloggers, and turning into a stuttering mess of a daddy blogger.

      Or drinking too much too fast and being “that guy” who spent the party in the bathroom.

      But, well, I’m willing to accept that there are people who think I’m just “on” all of the time that might be a little disappointed when they find that I have a “down” moment or two. But, well, I hope people see that I do, actually smile a whole heckofalot of the time.

  7. Boy, as the wife around here, this isn’t intimidating at all. Especially as I have nothing to wear and ten pounds to lose.

    • So does everyone else. Really. EVERYONE says the same thing. You will look stunning. And no one will notice what you think they will notice. They will just all be SQUEEEE!!!!

      Trust me.

      My ears had squee in them for months after.

    • Dear? You’re going to look splendid. Because you’re you.

  8. my ONLY problem with BlogHer this year? YOU (Katie) won’t be there for me to SQUEEEEEE with. I plan to hug, kiss, squee for about 4 days. I feel like I was made for that. πŸ˜‰

    can’t I persuade you at all??????

    See you in August John and wife. πŸ™‚

    • if you pay for my entire trip? I will go.

      but I have to bring the baby. I can’t part with the baby yet.

      • And, if you brought the baby, you might have to deal with a whole slew of people moving back home with you, because they couldn’t part with the baby . . . so, really, if Kir’s picking up the tab, it’s going to be a HUGE one.

        I can just picture you setting up a vendor booth, instead of giving out swag, giving out Charlie cheek squishies.

    • See you next week, Kir!

      (damn, it really is only next week, isn’t it?)

  9. OK, I was jealous before . . . now I’m all “NOOOOOO!!!” and “It’s not fair!” whiney. Great post — loved it all. And even though I haven’t been, I know it’s all true!

    • it’s totes true.

      and if you ever go? You will giggle at the true-ness.

      ps. go next year. I will be there.

    • Some day you’ll head to a conference, and I’ll be at the conference, and all will be good.

      Before then, well, we’ll meet up, and all will be good.

      You’ll be missed at BlogHer, though. Lots.

  10. To everything you said here? TRUE DAT.

    xo

    LOVED YOUR POST.

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