Where the Suniverse stops by to swear up a storm about parenting
Posting today is Suniverse of The Suniverse. Like so many bloggers I follow, I have no idea how I stumbled upon The Suniverse. But she swears and makes me laugh, and that’s enough to get the “foot in the door.” When you keep making me laugh, well, I keep coming back. So, since she hasn’t found a way to block me from commenting on her blog posts, she’s sharing her wisdom over here.
And I couldn’t be happier.
Parenting and Co-parenting: Is it really my way or the highway?
I always assumed I would be a single parent.
I’m not sure why, except I was adamant that I’d never get married. I’d never really wanted kids, but I figured that if I did have a kid, it would be one child, a girl, and I would be a very important somethingorother [writer, obviously, but sometimes UN Secretary General or badass covert spy] and would raise my child in a fabulous city [probably New York, but maybe somewhere in Europe] alone, because her father was not in the picture.
Things did not turn out exactly like that. I do have the one child, a girl, and I could not be more thrilled. Truly. I really like her.
I also have a husband and marriage and father to my girl. We live in the suburbs and my job is boring and while I am still working on the writer thing, the UN job and badass spy career move are dead in the water [or are they? Shhhh . . . I’ll never tell!].
I like watching the husband parent the girl. He is adamant about her respecting me as her mother [and also because I am fucking awesome, duh], but he is also great at letting her know that she is important in his life. And thank sweet Jesus that she has him to talk to about boring stuff like The Hobbit and Batman and ohmygod Radiohead, because there is only so much a person should have to put up with. And that shit? Absolutely not.
It’s interesting watching someone else parent. I’m not one of those “Do it my way or else” kind of parents – eh, you know what? I totally fucking am. I am that parent. But I am that person about everything, so it’s not as if I’m singling out one aspect of my life for domination. And I’m not super picky about how everything is done – oh, fuck, yes I am. BUT I’ve found that as I age [and get more tired], I’m willing to see that maybe other people [i.e., the husband] have ideas and techniques that may be almost as good as mine. And that makes my life a lot easier, and makes me wonder why everyone doesn’t
have it so good.
Because I also see parents who, even though they have a partner, still act as if they are single parents. And that shit is EXHAUSTING. I mean, it’s one thing to have to be the default Do Everything Parent because there is no one else, but why be the Do Everything Parent when you have a completely viable person standing there, WANTING to be part of the parenting equation? If you don’t want to do it for the good of your family, do it for selfish reasons, so you don’t have to be the one who takes the kid to the batting cages, for example.
Take that time to work on becoming a supersecret spy. Or the next Kofi Anan. Or a writer. Everyone will be happier that way. Probably Iran most of all, because you seem like someone who would be great at negotiations.