- I shave my head. I do this not because it’s the “cool thing to do1,” but because I chose a preemptive strike against male pattern baldness. Also, I suffered from horrible scalpne and “letting my scalp breathe” appears to have fixed things.
- My beard is speckled with white. Lots and lots and lots of white. When I trim my beard, those white hairs stick straight out – this means that, if the light hits me the right way, my beard always looks wet, with droplets of water sparkling in the light.
- If I have a cold, I feel hungover.
- If I have an actual hangover, I feel like death.
- I do not need to drink to the point of “drunk” to achieve a hangover the next day.
- If I do drink to the point where I get “drunk,” the hangover last for days. And since this is a real hangover, I feel like death for days.
- I actually lift with my knees because I live in constant danger of throwing my back out.
- Sometimes, when I sneeze, I feel like, had the exhale been the slightest-bit more explosive, my back would crumble to bits.
- I always keep a tube of chap stick on me.
- If I dream at night, I dream that I’m napping. Apparently, my subconscious knows that naps are not for me.
- I can tell you all about the various types of life insurance, and why I have two distinct life-insurance plans for myself.
- My body does not allow me to sleep past 6am. If my children sleep past 6am, and I don’t need to be up, I won’t get out of bed, but I’ll be wide awake, sitting in bed, wishing I could sleep.
- I’ve chosen to sleep over having sex.
- Sugary cereals & pop-tarts hold, absolutely, zero appeal to me.
- I want to eat my broccoli.
- I find whatever excuses I can make to include “reading more” in my life.
- I actively add to the list of shit that I need to get done around the house.
- Often, I chose to listen to classical music. I do not have any take on the pulse of the modern music scene. I used to watch the Grammys, just to listen to the most acclaimed music of the past year, but even that confuses me.
- I can’t tell you the last time I’ve seen a movie that was nominated for the “Best Picture” Oscar.
- I can no longer just “go out and run” or “play a pickup game of basketball” or anything like that — the task must be scheduled, and I need to plan the rest of my day, accordingly, to ensure that I don’t crash before my kids that night2
- I stretch after I exercise. If I don’t, I’m sorry the next day, and, commonly, for days.
- I actually care about to what uses my tax dollars are put.
- I’ll choose to watch the news over a sitcom or cartoon3
1 Little about me is cool, unless I’m walking Benjie and it’s between 45 and 60 degrees, when all of me is cool.
2 I will still crash before my kids fall asleep.
3&Nbsp;Mind you, I prefer to have my news delivered by Jon Stewart
… oh my gods… this means I’m old, too!
You have grey hair in your beard, too?!
😉
Well… if you must know….
Wait a minute! A lady doesn’t discuss those things.
We can start coloring the beard…. I do my hair after all.
I’ve kind of come to grips that it’s just going to be what it’s going to be . . . besides, I get to pretend that I’m slowly turning into Sean Connery.
I could have written this myself. Except for the up at 6am thing. That’s whack.
I’ve been cutting my husband’s hair for almost 10 years, and I used to pluck out those stubborn gray ones because they stuck out so badly. Now there’s just too many, so I call him “distinguished” and brag about how I can still yank mine out.
Oh, it’s not 6am – it’s 5am.
I’ve long given up any semblances of my sanity.
Lol. Sleep over sex.
I saw part of the MTV music awards and was so lost.