Where I chat about self image & motivation
We’re past the first month of 2012. Yet, it’s not looking at the calendar that leads me to this conclusion (although honestly, I’m a bit freaked out . . . where the hell did January go?), but the gym. I try to get to the gym every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday over lunch. A few weeks ago, I would need to settle for my second, or maybe even third choice of cardio machine. Now, not only do I get my choice as to the type of machine that I’ll do my cardio on, but I, typically, get to choose the specific machine1
The resolutioners aren’t there anymore. I like to think that the throngs of people who, so recently, were in my way at the gym managed to get the results they wanted, and figured they could do the rest from home. I’m deluding myself, I know, but I truly hope that is the case.
Now, it’s me & the regulars, just like it was at the end of last year.
When I’m at the gym, I have my routine. It’s a good routine and it works for me — I do a 30 minute, full-body circuit, and then I do 15 minutes on an elliptical machine cranked to 11, and then I cool down with some crunches. But, recently, I’ve found myself pushing just a little bit harder than I had been. The routine had become, well, a routine . . . I did my thing, I started to sweat, but I wasn’t really pushing myself. Today, though, I did.
And I couldn’t really figure out why, right off the bat. But, I think I just did.
I have the Gettysburg Marathon coming up in May . . . I’ve run this before, and while they’re changing the route, it’s familiar. No, a month after that marathon, I’m meeting the Internets during a half-marathon. And there’s some part of me that wants to impress at that event. I know it’s silly (especially since it’s a half-marathon and, well, if you’re looking to impress runners, “looking good” is quickly cancelled out when anyone you’re there to impress quickly leaves you in their dirt), but I don’t want people’s first impressions to be “the fat guy.”
And, well, I know I’m not fat2. Deep down, I know it. But, when I close my eyes and think of what I look like, the “me of right now” is not what looks back at me. I picture myself as I was about 10 years ago.
- I was clean shaven
- I was, at least 30-40 pounds heavier3
- I couldn’t do a pushup if my life depended on it
- I wore my hair as I had all of my life – parted on the right-hand side so that it covered my (often acne covered) forehead, trimmed around the ears
- I was drinking far too much
When I look in the mirror, sometimes I really, honestly, do a double-take. My body is far from perfect4, but it’s not what is stuck in my head, either. First off, I have facial hair, yet I barely have any hair on my head. I’m far leaner than my self-image says I am (even if the scale doesn’t agree . . . seriously, it’s gone up since Christmas, yet some of my clothes are falling off of me). There’s
a miniscule amount of definition in my arms & shoulders.
I still drink far too much, but it’s mostly wine now, where it was beer before.
Lately, there have been some people who are pretty vocal about their self image – Because Mama Said So and Pop come to mind, right off the bat, but there are countless people on Twitter talking about keeping themselves moving.
So, I’m not really sure where I’m trying to go with this . . . but, if you don’t like the way you think you look, well, chances are that the image you have of yourself is nothing like what the actual image is. Working out is always better than not working out. And any form of motivation is good — even if it’s a silly thing that you want to look a little bit better while meeting up with bloggers in real life.
Now, who wants to rub my hamstring? I’m not kidding when I say that I’ve really been pushing myself….