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Where I welcome April with bullet points

by John on April 2nd, 2013
  • How the fuck is it April already? Seriously, I think there are still some Christmas presents for the kids that I haven’t taken out of the box yet.
  • Life is better when baseball is being played.
  • I’ve been thinking about how much I swear, and then there was this comment exchange with Kristin, and should I be using “douchecanoe1” more than “fuck?” So I hereby resolve to start saying “fucking douchecanoe” more often . . . except that my family reads my blog (seriously, Hi Aunt Laura!), and some day soon, my kids will probably read this blog. So, I shouldn’t, probably, even pull out “douchecanoe.” Meh.
  • I ran over 20 miles in two days last week, and my legs are begging for more.
  • I have a very odd bruise on my right bicep, but I don’t remember delivering a clothesline to a herd of stampeding wildebeests.
  • I really thought the plural of “wildebeest” would be “wildebeest.”
  • Words really don’t describe just how much I’m looking forward to heading to the beach this summer. Though I’m really, really afraid of the propensity of my workplace to call whenever my input might be handy — I can see myself after several alcoholic drinks, telling someone to format their hard drive, just to see if they were really listening to what I was saying. Such thoughts would not be good for my career.
  • I’ve been thinking, a lot, about my father’s father lately (he would not be a fan of the number of times that I dropped the f-bomb in this post). Most recently, reading this post from the estimable Julie, I was brought back to a random summer day with my grandfather. He had to change the date of a meeting at his apartment complex, and this was before the days of email, and he didn’t have the time to send out letters to everyone – so we wrote letters and put them in envelopes, and then hand-delivered them to every door within the complex (well, I did most of the climbing up the stairs & delivering & stuff). Toward the end, he looked at one of the envelopes and he mentioned that he was certain that the recipient would die soon. I asked him how he knew. He answered me “because he used to be one of the funniest people I knew, and I haven’t heard him laugh in the last six months.” I’m truly glad to see that sense of humor, Julie.
  • I have said “Kaizen” more than any human should be allowed to. It stops being fun when you’re using it in proper context.
  • CJ will soon start martial arts — I don’t know if I’m ready for my three year old to start kicking my ass, though. If he’s not super into things after the first class, I’ll mention that he needs those lessons to become a Ninja Turtle.
  • People keep endorsing me for random skills in LinkedIn. I do not know why.
  • I hate how vain I’ve become. First, I actually cared about my time/place in the color run. Now, I’m focusing far less on cardiovascular workouts, and focusing more on push-ups and core exercises because, well, I’m looking forward to the beach (see previous bullet points). I know some amount of vanity isn’t a bad thing, but I don’t like the way that it’s manifesting itself with me.
  • I should be posting the “and it’s over” pictures from the weight-loss challenge tomorrow. You’ll have to excuse me if I need a drink or two to work up the courage to do so….

  • 1 My iPhone actually autocorrects to douchecanoe after I type on d-o-u-c-h-e-c. So I’m winning at technology.
  1. Maybe we should start calling CJ Mikey.

  2. Think of it this way: Your kids are eventually going to curse – it’s inevitable. But by teaching them awesome words like “douchcanoe,” you’re giving them creative alternatives to “fuck.” See? 🙂

    May I also recommend douchpump and twatwaffle.

  3. Laura permalink

    Your Aunt Laura says fuck all the time. Don’t worry about it!

  4. Oh, I LOVE being mentioned here – especially in a fond memory of your grandfather. I still remember the post you wrote about him last year that made me think of my own grandfather.

    Knute Anderson (pronounce the K) just successfully underwent total knee replacement surgery at the ripe old age of 94.


    Because after living a vibrant, active life, he suddenly found himself confined to a wheelchair – and I believe (although he didn’t say it out loud) that he would rather take the risks of surgery than not TRY to walk again.

    Now,a month later, he’s already up and rocking physical therapy, working out at his retirement home gym, regaling his friends and family with stories from his past and jokes. Always a joke.

    Surely had he not been able to walk again, he would have made the very best of that scenario and still inspired people.

    Either way, I’m proud as hell of him. And I will ALWAYS laugh while I have breath in me.

    Thanks, John. You make me think. And smile.
    And happy to be your friend.

  5. Kaizen. I had to look that up. Sounds like something your work starts having meetings about and making people practice, until they forget about it for the next new businessy phrase.

    Bitter much?

    Anywho. Today is day one of my 56 days off of work. And I feel like I haven’t laughed in 6 months. I am not going to die. In fact, I hope its 56 days of each one better than the last.


  6. You’re winning at more than tech, my friend. Carry on.

  7. I don’t have a LinkedIn, b/c I’m lazy, but Skye does and has been driven crazy lately by random endorsements for skills she doesn’t actually have and keeps talking about LinkedIn ghosts, so good to know she’s not the only target!

    • I don’t have a lot of experience with LinkedIn ghosts, but I assume they’re of the Casper variety. I used to respond to each endorsement as I did to a +K in Klout, but in something completely random (they need to have basket weaving as something to be knowledgeable about…but I’d actually like to know how to weave baskets, now that I think about it)

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